mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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