New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
