I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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