i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
