My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.