My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.