party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.