when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks