I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
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just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
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Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday