rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
