If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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