My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
