There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
