Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
