dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
