so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I am naked and annoyed.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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