I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
