remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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