please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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