im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
