Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
