I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
