i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
