I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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