My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
