i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Boobs speak an international language.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
