Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
