somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
