did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
