Sacagawea was the original milf.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
