things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
