My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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