just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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