yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
