Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
