At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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