Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
