Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
