Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
