By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
