Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
