You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
