I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
