Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
