Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you traded sex for a burrito?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
the liver wants what the liver wants
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up under a house in Key West
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
