It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
