I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
