I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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