so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
