Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
