I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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