i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
