I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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