It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
