Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
