just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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