You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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