and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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