I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
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Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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