She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.