he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.