dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME