Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY