he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!