whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week