people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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