she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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