no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
