just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
