; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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