Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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