The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I think I just sharted jello shots
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
