when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really