im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
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Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
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Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.