Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.