I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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