They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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