He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.