Texts From Last Night

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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.

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  (501): He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer. http://tfl.nu/ubeq
  Replies (31) Good night (3304) Bad night (1409)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.

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  (636): Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly. http://tfl.nu/3gr1
  Replies (23) Good night (5260) Bad night (711)
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  (650): View more from California

  I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.

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  (650): I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'. http://tfl.nu/1o2s
  Replies (18) Good night (1084) Bad night (2990)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.

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  (928): This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/2tuo
  Replies (15) Good night (1180) Bad night (3718)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.

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  (407): I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex. http://tfl.nu/84ml
  Replies (34) Good night (5486) Bad night (1177)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.

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  (317): Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night. http://tfl.nu/8cwu
  Replies (4) Good night (1918) Bad night (600)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?

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  (613): I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number? http://tfl.nu/y363
  Replies (14) Good night (1385) Bad night (663)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"

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  (720): I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship" http://tfl.nu/hte5
  Replies (14) Good night (1427) Bad night (735)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you found the shrooms didnt you

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  (484): how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time (215): you found the shrooms didnt you http://tfl.nu/rmts
  Replies (7) Good night (4449) Bad night (850)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  What vodka is american?

  (1-786): View more from Florida

  Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.

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  (786): What vodka is american? (1-786): Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july. http://tfl.nu/p6uy
  Replies (11) Good night (2056) Bad night (588)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST

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  (757): HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST http://tfl.nu/fouh
  Replies (4) Good night (656) Bad night (1244)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.

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  (902): I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me. http://tfl.nu/zjm5
  Replies (3) Good night (663) Bad night (487)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  see that vagina ? that vagina means business

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  (931): see that vagina ? that vagina means business http://tfl.nu/d7zl
  Replies (4) Good night (683) Bad night (375)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.

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  (814): His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner. http://tfl.nu/lc68
  Replies (2) Good night (608) Bad night (215)
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  (909): View more from California

  So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?

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  (909): So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party? http://tfl.nu/5i7n
  Replies (3) Good night (239) Bad night (303)

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