he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
