between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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